I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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