I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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