Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
