How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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