I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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