i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
