I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize