I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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