Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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