Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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