I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
