Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
