2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
