Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
