so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
