Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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