butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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