i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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