I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
