he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
