so explain again why im purple
no
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
