Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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