It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
