Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
