just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
