She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
are you so shy because you have an std?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
