Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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