There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
