I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
