Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize