shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
