If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
