There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
