Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
