there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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