i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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