you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
