I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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