I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
