He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
