I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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