the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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