Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
