You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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