I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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