you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
