How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize