I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
