I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
