You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
