While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
