after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
