girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
