The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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