I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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