i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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