That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
operation have a gay friend backfired
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
