I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
