Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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