he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
