This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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