she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
