I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
